Over the past few weeks, I've had a few friends ask me general relationshippy type questions, and I am just consistently blown away by how people in this country (USA) deal with someone that they are/want to be in a relationship with.

It has always been my personal preference to be honest - sometimes brutally so - with whomever I was dating. I would ask the guys out, and about 3 weeks later, when I was bored, I'd break up with them, too. I didn't lie, I didn't play games (well, I was a wicked flirt, but I was always upfront about my intentions or lack thereof), I didn't read mysterious messages into the timing of phone calls.

If I wondered whether or not a particular person was interested in me, I asked. If I wasn't interested in him that way, I would say so, up front, rather than leading him around by the nose with mixed signals that only a certified psychologist that new the wacky meanderings of my mind could possibly figure out.

I just think people are cruel to each other. Rather than say the difficult, but honest, thing, they prolong agony by waiting - they tiptoe around what they really want and need, because somehow just saying it is taboo.

Does that sound bizarre and masochistic to anyone else? What is wrong with honesty in a relationship? I think it's a fundamental necessity! That doesn't mean you're required to share every detail of your past relationships with your current significant person, but if they ask, you should share it or share enough that they understand if or why you're wounded or scared. If you're concerned about their behavior, you should ask. And, in my opinion, reluctance to answer indicates a potential trouble spot.

There was a guy I dated in college. Hah. dated. right. OK. So I thought we were dating. He did not. For whatever reason, I kept hanging around, and never got the clue, and when I'd ask him how he felt about me, he wouldn't answer me directly, and would quickly change the subject. Clue-phone, hello - I was totally being used, and while it took me awhile to figure out (since I was besotted), I maintain that asking him about it was the right thing to do - I got all the clues I needed to figure out that was a one-way relationship, I just wasn't awake enough to pay attention.

I don't know. I just don't get how people think playing games while dating is helpful, meaningful, or necessary. In my opinion, and from what I've seen, it just makes a mess.

As a disclaimer: this doesn't mean you should tell your wife that she's fat. There is such a thing as courtesy, and being nice, and making the man or woman in your life feel like they are indeed THE significant person in your life.

Dammit, kids, play nice!!