Thanksgiving was hard, and I've been in a wicked loop ever since.

Strange how a simple thing like having your family over and making pie can hit you like a ton of bricks. There I was, putting pie in the oven while my family was in the other room playing cards, and just like that, I wanted to collapse on the floor and sob for hours.

Objectively, of course, it makes sense - the holidays can be sentimental, I was making my mother's pumpkin pie... everyone was there except her. It makes sense, right? Perfectly understandable that one could get emotional at a time like that. But to feel like the entire world was ending? That's a bit much. It seriously felt like I was caving in on myself - like my heart turned into this intense black hole that was going to suck my entire being into some unknown dense emptiness.

Of course, I spent all of last week and the weekend (and so far, some of today) recovering from that totally unexpected blow. I'm beginning to think that some of the ups and downs of bipolar disorder may be self-inflicted - in yanking myself out of the pit of despair, I overshot...

sigh